Forget What You Should Do, Do This Instead

A couple of years ago, I was watching a live stream event with Elizabeth Gilbert as the speaker.  She said something stuck with me: “Stay out of the shoulds”. That’s where we get into trouble.” I nodded and thought, hmm, I wonder how often I use the word should.

Do you ever say to yourself things like this… 

I should be married by now

Or

I should have children by now.

Or 

I should have a high-powered career by now. 

Or 

I should go to that baby shower (but I know it will hurt because I lost my child.) 

Or 

I should be done with this course/book by now. 

The shoulds are exhausting and frankly belittling the choices you are making and the progress you have made. 

I did it the other day while rocking my kiddo to sleep.

You may already know that in 2014 my daughter was stillborn. After such a devastating loss, I continued to long for a child.  For years, I tried to have a child. I did fertility treatments, surgeries, supplements, acupuncture, and saw a nutritionist. I did everything I could to have another child. 

In 2018 I was blessed with a little boy. (super cute kid, right?).

As I rocked him to sleep the other day, I was overwhelmed with the desire to hold him until he fell asleep in my arms. 

Tears began to form. I didn’t want to put him down. 

I wanted to hold my precious baby boy (this beautiful gift I’d been given) until he fell asleep in my arms. 

What was rolling through my head, though, was our doctor’s voice when she said you should (did you catch that) put him down when he’s drowsy because he needs to learn to fall asleep on his own.  

After losing a child, I was shaming myself for wanting to hold the one I had.  

Wow…really?

We are self-sabotaging every time we tell ourselves that we should be doing something other than what we’re doing. We are beating ourselves up for our choices because somewhere along the way, we decided that our choices weren’t “good enough” or even “right.”

What if I told you there’s a way to strengthen your confidence in your decision-making and own what you know is right for you? Would it feel good if you could stand in your truth and proudly own your decisions because you know what matters most to you? 

Here’s a straightforward trick to help you get started. When you use, the word should, consider reframing that statement to something more like this…

“I choose…..” 

“I can….” 

“I am…”

 Suddenly, with a simple shift of words, you own your choice. 

It’s empowering, isn’t it? 

Oh, and just so you know, I did hold my baby until he fell asleep in my arms. And that wasn’t the last time either!  :)

Peace and Love, Friends