I have a dream, a dream I hold so close to my heart that I'm a little unsure about sharing it. I'll share it with you today because I imagine I'm not the only one in this world who's ever had their dreams fall apart, just when they thought they were within reach.
I've dreamed of having children and a family of my own ever since I can remember. After making a decision to end a nine-year marriage without children, I remember sitting on a step in our empty house sobbing. Not just for the loss of our marriage but for the loss of my dream. The dream of being a mom, of having children. As I sat on those steps, I wondered if it would ever happen to me.
Fast forward six years and I sit here writing these words to you today with the same tears rolling down my cheeks. I was so close, so close to holding all my dreams in my arms but she slipped away. Adeline slipped away and with her so did my dreams. Once again, I wonder, "Will it ever happen to me?"
My dad passed away a few weeks after we lost Adeline. He used to say, "Patience is virtue." As children, my brother, sister, and I would look at him with a confused expression and wonder, "What the heck are you talking about?" He was trying to teach us to wait for the good stuff. He knew if we waited we'd appreciate the good stuff so much more. I've certainly felt that in my recent marriage. The good stuff finally came and I appreciate every second with Josh. My dad was right. (I can't believe I just wrote those words, but it's true). Finding patience in my life allowed me to wait for the right person. My person.
It's challenging though to press forward with patience after losing Adeline. I've found myself repeating that saying (and others with a similar meaning) to myself so many times recently. "Patience is a virtue." I continue to try and to be patient, Dad. I do. I'm trying. When I want something now, I remind myself to be patient. When the universe isn't quite ready for my voice, I remind myself to be patient. When traffic is bad (because I live in Austin), I remind myself to be patient. When the desire for children is overwhelming and I wonder if it will ever happen to me, I dig deep and remind myself to be patient.
Today, I'll let you in on a little secret. Dreams are beautiful and essential and we should hold onto them. The path to our dreams may not be the path we expected to travel, and we may be battered and bruised along the way. But when we arrive and stand within our dreams, it is well worth the wait.
Keep dreaming, my friends, keep dreaming!
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