In two weeks time my husband leaves on a international adventure alone. His trip has promoted people to ask me, “are you ok with him going to Spain alone?” I reply with a resounding, “Yes!” Here’s why.
I was 35 when I finally found Josh, and the idea of sharing every moment with him was, and continues to be, exhilarating and enticing. After the loss of our daughter, less than one year into our marriage, we would became almost inseparable. We need each other more than either of us could have ever imagined.
Through the expereince of losing your daughter, you begin to realize that life is a string of fleeting moments and should not, cannot, be taken for granted. You want to spend all your time with those you love because you know, all too well, life is brief and you fear what life would be like without them. You cherish every moment.
And so you cling… Hug a little tighter. Linger a little longer. Say “I love you” and “Thank you” with genuine authenticity.
Your heart overflows with the desire to be near those you love, in particular, this person who stood by you at the absolutely worst moment in your life. You don’t want to leave his side. Until the day he says he needs to go to Spain and you know in your heart he needs to go… alone.
You already know, friends, that I write to find myself.
And I know that Josh travels to find himself.
It’s his “place.” We all have that place where we’re able to connect with the deepest parts of ourselves. When Adeline was stillborn, he lost a little of his soul and one of his first thoughts was the Camino de Santiago in Spain, a place where he thought he might be able to find the piece of his soul he lost that day.
So when he said, “I need to go,” there was no question.
I decided he needed to do this alone. We are husband and wife, which is a beautiful bond, but we are also individuals who heal differently. Our souls connect to this world in different ways. We both need space to find our path, to reconnect with ourselves, and to connect with Adeline. In the wake of tragedy, grief can be consuming and we haven’t had the opportunity to bond with our little girl like we want.
I write to connect with her and Josh has always been supportive of my writing. Now it’s my turn to support him and his path to heal and to connect.
I honestly enjoy the thought of Josh exploring the world on his own, and in so doing connecting with Adeline and taking time to fill his soul. He spends so much time taking care of others, it’s time for him to have the opportunity to do his own heart work.
I’m so proud to be married to a man who knows when he needs time to fill his bucket and has the courage to take it.
I encourage him to do so because I love him. That’s what love is, right? Encouraging those around us to grow and to be fulfilled. I want him to go alone because when he comes home, we can live an even richer, fuller life together.
Is there someone in your life who needs time to heal? Who are you holding onto a little too tightly? What might it be like to let go and watch them spread their wings?
Every moment is sweet in this life.
It’s even sweeter when we take the time to heal our hearts and allow others to do the same.